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Selasa, 01 September 2009

My Letter, a Year Ago.

I wrote this letter with tears and hurt a year ago. It's very emotional for me to publish it. But i think i've successfully going through that phase.
The phase of growing up and be a better person through releasing someone that i loved the most.
And Alhamdulillah, the love that I've released has finally comeback to me :)

In life, you don't need a lot to make you happy.
In love, you don't need to possess in order to feel joy.

I was really afraid to be so possessive of you until my love suffocates you; to love you so much until it becomes a burden to you, something you wish you could get rid of. If my love brings you pain and guilt, i'd rather not love you (perhaps i have to pretend not to).

We meeting up, messaging each other every other day, talking on the phone late into the night and the occasional fights even..
They've made me the happiest girl and I really couldn't ask for more.

Being able to care for you, to remind you to take your meals, to tell you the food you should avoid when you're having tummy ache.. These are ways in which I could love you without hurting you.

You once asked me, how can I be happy when the person i like actually loves someone else, how is it possible for me to like you and yet not want to be with you?
at that point, I didn't know how to answer you. But now, i do.

I can be happy; I can love you and yet not want to be with you simply because the person i love, is you.
And because loving you has taught me that love doesn't mean possessing. So when you need to be loved, I'm here.
But when you want to love, you're free to go, free to love anyone else you wish to love. believe me when i say it doesn't hurt me. Believe me when i tell you, you've made me the happiest girl.

So this is my hope, will you ever be happy? I'd keep praying for that. I wanna see you smile again, I wanna see you being blissfully in love, even if it isn't with me. It doesn't matter so long as I can see you smile.

If you wanna know why am I writing this? So that one day, when I really have to leave you, there would still be a memory of sorts..
Of a dream of a love that has yet to come true. So that one day, when I'm selfish enough to tell you just how much I love you and you wanna know just how much it took me to say it.. it's all here. Right here.

P.S : Oh My God. I Started to cry just now. This Letter has successfully open up the page of my heart. The page i remain silently closed. The page about my love story and also the hardest year of my life.
Anyway, Pii.. ILUSM. always have, and always will.

It's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone.
You get mad at yourself for not saying
the things you could have said a million times.
You take for granted the days you spent doing nothing
when you could have been with them.
Anyone can be taken, at any point in our lives,
but we always wait until they're gone to say the things
we never had the courage to say.


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